near death - Sat, 6 Nov 2004

So it must be the summer of 1980 ???? or 1981 - John Lennon was
shot the previous fall - so whenever that was....

My dad had died I think it was the same week or very close to it when
John Lennon was shot and - after a bit of circuitousness - I was
living in Chicago - in my Dad's apartmentment building ----
I was working at Ancilla Domini Health Services at the time
it was in Des Plaines - at the same office complex as the FCC -

I wish you could stop me if you heard this before - but anyway ----

So I was working there and taking the bus to work which was a
long ride - maybe between 1 and 2 hours - you had to do like
1 or 2 transfers - and the bus that dropped me off there went
on the freeway to get there ----

And I was spending time helping maintain the apartment building -
and I was paying rent and - going to the Baha'i temple in
Wilmette whenever I could and in fact near that time I was
even singing in the Baha'i choir at the temple ---- that may
have been after this particular event and it was summer -
for sure. I don't remember if the record player was working -
but I do remember the Grateful Deads - pretty sure first album -

and anyway - maybe it was a Saturday night - anyway - I was
going through the strange emotional stuff connected with
my father ------ and it was night and I remember being all
worked up - it was like a forgiveness and understanding -
my understanding and relating to my father - and
connecting with him - and ---------------------------------
I was laying down - and it was like a dream - and I
could see what appeared to me how the "after life"
is put together - and what was so striking was the
simple idea - there was no time - Lydia once told
me that there is no math in the after life and we
laugh about that from time to time - but what
I clearly saw was there was no time.....
So what that meant was that you could be
anywhere - or maybe everywhere - in no time.

So it was like I felt like I was given the choice -
I could stay or go ----- and I thought about it ----
and I felt this intense desire to experience more
time, because I felt that I really needed to have
more of that experience - and so somehow -
I experienced the feeling of "returning" to
was is like what I'm experiencing now -
the time thing -

I don't know -----