heaven & the wind ....

heaven & the wind ....

wish I could be sure - heaven spoke -

and only I can hear you - said the wind ...

And they might wish - that was so long - for- ever

And the wind could hear and understand -

And heaven spoke with her ...

Like in a - day & a night -

That Atlantis would fall ?????

Because - they never can be seperated ...

love Wed, 20 Oct 2004 13:17:21

And so she was brought up in an atmosphere of love, harmony, and discord.
But her inate gifts and passions brought her into a closeness and
deep proxcimity to the sciences and arts of love. She began to sense it
and comprehend it in the motion of the spheres, dancing of the flowers in
the wind, the effects of time, and the relations of people for and around
each other. This was her childhood - capable of introspection and focus -, daring,
brave and adventurous and as she grew so to did these abilities until
they progressed to such a point that they encompassed both the
subtle and the grand.

JinJin RDunk Tue, 19 Oct 2004 09:21:15 -0700

JinJin RDunk was born in the close environs of
Eskelion and was by many accounts an
exception child. It is not clear exactly whether
her parent considered this a good thing or a bad
thing. One thing is pretty clear though, they
where pretty strict practioners of a relitivily
obscure city-state, style religion which
had some similarity to religions that where
practiced in Eskelion itself. But clearly
children and raising children where important
to them - so by all accounts she grew up in
a very loving home.
They had lived in this local - for several
generations --- quite happily. It was a
quite, kind of rural area and yet they
did have access when they desired to some
of the amenities of city life.

-------------- to be continued --------------------------

It was an ancient city build on a hill, near an
emerald green lake. The actual time this
place had been inhabited was a matter of
considerable discussion - and to give it
a number was really not all that helpful..

The only thing people new for sure was that
the city had been through many epochs -
enough so that some groups new more of
them and some were aware of less. But
the current inhabitants new the place
as Eskelion and it had been the capital city
of there planet for at least 20 major Epochs.
If it helps at all you could round it out
to about 200,000 years.

Somethings had changed of course during that
time. There had been different kinds of
heating systems and different kinds of sewers,
but all in all the people there lived pretty much
like they always had. There had been different
systems of social life and different Interstellar
alliances. There had been wars of course - not
amongst the inhabitants of there planet of course.
Peace had persisted on there planet for the
entire time that Eskelion had been the capital.

But differences of views on the larger scale
did in fact occur and people were often
traumatized by it - and it did sometimes
involve lose of life. For 14 Epochs the planet
had been deeply connected to the Alterian
Confederation. Mostly people where found
of the situation. The Alterian fleets where
firmly established in several Galaxies and so
differences of opinions where minimized.

But - in reality the Universe - is a very large
place - and if that was not bad enough
there where forces even from other Universes
that would have it's effects.

The planet was called Aperhelion - and it
was renowed for some of the greatest
interstellar navigators that had ever lived.

During the time of this story - in fact -
there where perhaps between 8,000
to maybe 15,000 navigators that served
in the Alterian fleets and in additions
there had been many captians and
fleet commanders from Aperhelion as well.

Non of that made Aperhelion a particularly
popular sort of place - but they where
generally respected and infact - their
views and thoughts where often respected -
because from here had come many great
leaders of exceptional qualities -
Many of them where folks of clear vision
and pragmatic thoughts who where able
to see things beyond the limits of there
peers. And for this had had earned
some reputation. They had been
consiliators and people of diplomacy
and solvers of disputes. And so
there influence had been felt on many
worlds - and many places.

-------- to be continued ---------

hyperdrive - Tue, 12 Oct 2004 12:23:14 -0700 (PDT)

http://www.hyperdriveradio.com/
http://www.starship.pp.se/cgi/htmllyric.cgi?hyperdrive


I never thought there were corners in time Till I was told to stand in one One straight line head on into the other Maybe standing in the corner looks like where it's got to come.
But I pretend one wall is the past and one is the future And I just stand here like the present looking for a Good place to run Every fish that swims upstream now that's a catch Because the full mouth never wants to stop cooking.


The map may be flat, the globe may be patched But the long line keeps right on hooking Circles in the ring of fire, where do you go On a night that is clear and warm? Oh where do you go?
I never thought there were corners in time Till I was told to stand in one I've heard circles moving right through corners And they don't even know they've been around and around before Ringing, ringing against each other on a singing chain Like a flying magnet hyperdrive has never seen any reason To remain the same.
Because I felt it I believe it Because there are things I've never seen that I believe So I'm going to place my face right in the triangle door Till I can move right on through instead of just standing here Looking at the floor.
And it rains again tonight, I can think light years ahead Or I could put myself back a thousand years ago As if I'd always been here before or as if I am still to be born I'm a slow loser, but I'm a fast learner That much I know Anyone can go That much I know Anyone can go That much I know Anyone can go.
© 1974 Ronin Music/ Alien Music BMI

caroline Mon, 4 Oct 2004 17:26:23 -0700 (PDT)

http://www.jeffersonstarshipsf.com/

"And everything looks like some sort of sceneryStored in an empty theatreWith stars on the ground - fences in the skyAnd tears in the curtain of time".........
"It’s like a wind from the other side of the worldLike a far off pack of houndsSounds like a whole universe - throbbin’ with lifeI get so hypnotized in the lightsJust like the gaze of a mantisWhy even atlantis sank beneathThe waves in a day and a nightOh, in a day and a night I could writeYou a symphonyIt would be just like a bird"

he said

- A poem {She would write or he would write...She looked at the dawn -He looked at the dawn -as if there was One.All time was there - hemight have thought -No she said - it passes by -She asked him about love then ---if he knew ---He said ---- -------------------------------- - far away I can and cannot go - - of this thing now you speak - - I may pass beyond and you ? - - but I will learn - - because - ================================

Over again -

Amanda,
"And you tell me over and over again..."
over and over again listening to " Jessica " , the Almand Brothers,
Brothers and Sisters ....

And thinking that Mexico, was along way , time ago, and time is....

And wondering about ----------- Bel Air, about, Leon Russell, and
wondering if it all really happened... Did I just happen.

The summer - in L.A. - the summers in L.A. ---------
1967 ---- " It's all happening " ...........
-------- Waiting for the next wave... ----------
And if it all just stops somewhere ------
Chicago, L.A. , San Francisco, Cholula, Cusco, Jupiter, Kansas City ---------
and of course .....
Pluto.
I love you,
Marc

Colors

3:56:19.72pWed 09-22-2004


Colors, she comes in colors everywhere -

she changed her hair,

She's like a rainbow...

She comes in colors everywhere.


aMANDa

I was hoping to speak with you this evening....

I will try your cell phone...

As per previoous Orders,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

See, you know that one about levitation????

I hope to speak with you soon,,,,,,,

About Colors,

In the Plutooniannnnnnn, Natural Gas, Guaards,,,,,

In plutonianian, skrishkrish, volubson,,, ger.....

SLFN ---

etc, etc, etc,

Marc --- the trubilian, tree trout....

I guess

I guess it might help for you to
understand - a little of what it is that is
so difficult for me right now -

You understand that for me - your
mother was the defining moment in
my life - even though I was not
alway conscious of it - it is very
clear to me it was what made me
who am I.

For a long time I could distinguish
in my feelings between the two of
you - I had different emotions -

I'm sure it was fate or destiny or
- whatever - but today I can not
seperate those feelings - so you
understand that I have those some
feelings now for you that I had for
your mother - and it is bigger than
I am - way, way bigger.
And I was never in control then and
I'm not in control now.
Age and experience and time
hasn't changed that.

You know I never wanted this to
happen - I thought - well, you can
imagine those pleasant
thoughts - that I could float the
boat - the sun would shine, ect.
We could just be "friends".


That's gone. So these emotions
are just simply bigger than I am -
and I don't know what to do with
it. Forgetting would be a plan -
but it's really hard to forget almost
all of your life.

But my life was in a fragile place
anyway - and now it's in a shattered
place.

I maintain some self control - in the
sense that I know your happiness
is important to me and so I can
be detached in a sense. It is
a little lever. So I'm motivated to maintain
some distance.

You've done so much for me
and you have to believe that
I never expected or planned for
this to happen. Looking back
I can see just how stupid that
was - but I thought it was okay
and things would work out.

This is where the idea or reality of
God all fits in because - It's hard
to think about this as just plain
bad luck.

I can't really ask you for your help
because - it's really not fair since
you do have your own life -

But I think you can understand why
I believe that I need it.

You know the story - a little boat
and a huge sea and not knowing
where to go.

I can say the "l" word (love) - but it's more
than that. But mainly I just feel
sorry and pathetic and out of control.

I have to be at least this self indulgent
to express myself. I can say I'm sorry
a million times - and I know it doesn't
make it right - but I am really broken.

You know it hasn't been all bad -
I just wish I had seen it coming.

You must understand now that -
it's hard for me to initiate contact
with you - in the sense of calling
or saying how about let's do this.

I feel like what has happened was
meant to happen - I just want to
believe in some kind of future.

Simply and totally I don't know what to do.
You must decide when and if it becomes
clear to you.

I can't say for sure - Sun, 5 Sep 2004 23:53:52

I can't say for sure,but I think a crosseda huge line from beingplesantly eccentric to just being gone.I don't know -but I believe I need you.> I am afraid - not just a little.And I hope, with all my heart,I will be able to see you again or a least hear yourvoice.I'm so sorry about this...I wish I could "wake up" -and it would be gone - I don't think it's going to be so easy.I'm in a horrible void which isbigger than I am.

Shape of a heart

http://www.ckdhr.com/hrose/songs/in_the_shape_of_a_heart.html

Dizzy - Mon, 23 Aug 2004 17:17:12 -0700 (PDT)

Am I sure - am I for real - (.com, .org, .gov )

http://www.dizzy.com

Well, if the balls in my head aren't real - then

Am I real....

dizzygillespie.com

And then ///\\
The Good Guys and the Bad Guys ....

The Beatles, and Bob Dylan and the Rolling Stones ----

Not to mention - The YardBirds , Disreali Gears - Cream,

Ichiochoo Park ----- The Small Faces

and of course - maybe last now - but for sure not least -

Jimmy Webb - Producing the Fifth Dimension - The Magic Garden

Comet Tue Oct 21 19:58:18 EDT 2003

Amanda:This is my symmetric poem -it embodies alot of what I am - and even searches for some of the"answers" - and it does have somethingto do with "karma" - which existsfor you - for me - and for us.So long for now....



I let my comet crash into your sun...I'm not sure I should have done that ....most people might say it was an accident -and though I am accident prone - I'm notreally sure ...Then - initially - the experience wasa great self discovery - a re-awakening -and understanding - Today - I'mlooking through lots of pieces -shapes - and views and - mechanism -It could be sand or something - too -A blind man - feeling up the side ofan elephant or a wall - I do not know.Often the --- sea of love --- is spokenof .... Where is the ??? sea ????Discovery, adventure and change.A sea of ancient Choltecan priest ---A sea of timeless - forgotten images -A sea of knowing --- shapes and feelingsA sea of professing that ---Queen and Heart --- Rush and Styx ---"Aqualung my old friend" --- j.t.Wheels within Wheels my old mentat friend -Who spoke so kindly back in the day -About ''''' love ''''' ---- Lead Zeppelin ----I heard you saw you felt you - through you -I felt...Magnificient enchantment --- 43the way more than I can realize ---enchantment of the open door ---a love - they say - cannot die -a love - they say - pure -candles - and -Jasmine, I only wish I could remember -Does beauty grow - or change -and what of love -does it glow or smell -Can love feel?Let me tell you ... can I tell youhow much it is worth - how real is real -Fufillment - contentment - joy - at every moment -And still know pain - and still know fear -And still live...Shunyro - your waterfall -Because I love you - loved you -And still...Hear you - touch you -Pray with you ...In ancient spirit ...A deep and radiant touch ...Because it was ---- "infinite" ----Because it was ---- "becoming" ----Because it was --- "wonderful" ====Because it was?????I'm remembering...--- Gee Gandalf ---I want to write code again =I want to solve determinants -my lady...and see mountains as well...Just a few more things to say ---not all about love - but theangles and degrees - the edges and sides -And back to the --- of Robin and Pooh ---and the Garden and the Wood ---The symnetry of the song - and the word -the undescribable essense - harmony in sound and motion -Why?So it could be square and hip...Feel and be and love...7 bridges -----and Summer Breeze....

RE: Life and Confidence - Sat, 13 Nov 2004 17:59:28

So this is about alone --- some state ---

searching in space for a connection -
activity, plan, an other, a way, a thing, a time, a place, a being, a feeling,
something to relate to - and finding what ????/

Well, some desire - something -
and then looking for what ???????? ---

an answer - to a question - the question is ???

what is it ??????? .........

is it really alone ???

is there some connection to a thing, a being ,
a place, a time, a reason, a sound, an action ? ,,,,,,,

yes / no

going, coming, finding, hiding, going forward, coming back
seeing clearly, being here, being there ------

all that - and an answer --- yes no maybe ----

is it alone - is it ????????????

a hard left, a hard right, a time, a moment --- succession --- being

waiting - stopping - abruptly ...........

Sharing --- sharing what - sharing what --- with whom ----

and experience and excitement and adventure and
success and triumph and exaltation and achievement
and bereavement and failure and humiliation - hurting -
and pain -----

Is it yellow ???????? strawberry orange ? -
curved and beaming .........
Dead stopped ?

And when you know - you must know -----

if you can know - you should know ----

Why ????? Why ????? so Why ????? so so Why ??????

And so so where exactly am I ?
am I here ???????????
and why exactly am I ?
and how exactly am I ?
and who exactly am I ?
what do I want ?
what is it I need ?
is it for me ? and then what is it ?
or is it just pieces - an abstraction - a pattern that does not quite fit.

Do I know ?????

So I reach out -----


reaching ...............
reaching ...............
reaching ...............
reaching ...............
reaching ...............
reaching ...............

----------

stillness
stillness
stillness
stillness
stillness
stillness
stillness
stillness
stillness
stillness
stillness
stillness

am I the stillness, am I the pain, am I the alonesness
am I the brief journey to the unknown ?
am I the question ?
am I the answer ?
am I ---- what ----
a touch - a desire - a thought
the truth - the lie - the absence - the becoming
the breaking -
an end ???????????????


yes, I quess so .....
are you ? .....

can I reach you ?
can I find you ?
can I know you ?
can I relate to you ?
can you be ?
or not ?????

And then why and for what ?
and for whom ?
and because ---
is it just want ?????????????

is it blood ? -
is it food ? -
is it warm ?
is it cold ?
is it alive ?
is it afraid ?
is it happy ?
is it electric ?
does it know ??????

In the waiting - in the alone - in the space -
in the sound - in the meaning - in the breathing -
in the moving - in the changing - in the awareness
in the acceptance - in the rejection - is there something
is there a thing ???

Do you know ---
can you become ?
are you ???

Am I ? -
will I be ?
is there ?

A beer -
an onion -
a glass of wine -
the tomatoes
- variable - oscillating resistors.
dinging gongs -
ringing harps -
murky water -
- a yellow taxi -
the air.
the silence
the stars.

I know ---- I laugh - I cry -
I say

" Tommorow "

okay --- tommorow --- is maybe.

And in tommorow is silence ??/
are questions ???
is alone ????
can I touch ????
can I feel ???
can I be ???
am I afraid ????
does it really hurt that much ????
is there truth ????????

Yes / no
yes / no
yes / no
yes / no
yes / no
yes / no
yes / no

I quess, I don't know

I fear --- I look --- I wait ---
I imagine --- I see -----

You know ???

so only now I say - geometry - a rose.


Your friend,

Marc

P. S.

Follow stuff.....

P. S. S.

Did I desire you ?
yes ---
Did I want to relate to you ?
yes ---
can I ????
Is it just wanting ??????

I don't know -------

is it fear ? because -

can I love you ????

I quess.

and why? ----

motion - momentum - time
beer nuts ............



all the stuff --------------- >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
==============================================================

All earthly places appear through Him and unto Him return, and God singly and alone abideth in His own place which is holy above space and time, mention and utterance, sign, description, and definition, height and depth.

(Abdu'l-Baha, A Traveller's Narrative, p. 64)

note --- M>B> "wide and deep" & "deep and wide"

Now Bahá'u'lláh so acted that the hearts of this sect were drawn towards Him, while most of the inhabitants of 'Iraq were reduced to silence and speechlessness, some being amazed and others angered. After remaining there for one year He withdrew His hand from all things, abandoned relatives and connections, and, without the knowledge of His followers, quitted 'Iraq alone and solitary, without companion, supporter, associate, or comrade. For nigh upon two years He dwelt in Turkish Kurdistan, generally in a place named Sar-Galu, situated in the mountains, and far removed from human habitations.
(Abdu'l-Baha, A Traveller's Narrative, p. 38)
Live ye one with another, O people, inradiance and joy. By My life! All that are on earth shall 45 pass away, while good deeds alone shall endure; to thetruth of My words God doth Himself bear witness.Compose your differences, O My servants; then heed yethe admonition of Our Pen of Glory and follow not thearrogant and wayward.
(Baha'u'llah, The Kitab-i-Aqdas, p. 44)
In the sight of God, Bahá'u'lláh insists, justice is the "best beloved of all things".10 It enables the individual to see reality through his or her own eyes rather than those of others and endows collective decision making with the authority that alone can ensure unity of thought and action
(Baha'i International Community, 1999 Feb, Who is Writing the Future)
The mind goes wandering off far and wide alone. Incorporeal, it dwells in the cavern of the heart. Those who keep itunder control escape from Mara's bonds.
(Buddhist, Dhammapada - Sayings of the Buddha 1 (tr. J. Richards))
But if you do not find an intelligent companion, a wise and well-behaved person going the same way as yourself, then goon your way alone, like a king abandoning a conquered kingdom, or like a great elephant in the deep forest.
(Buddhist, Dhammapada - Sayings of the Buddha 1 (tr. J. Richards))
Those who restrain their mind,which travels far alone without a body, hiding in a cave,will be free from the restrictions of death.
(Buddhist, Dhammapada - Sayings of the Buddha 2 (tr. J. Richards))
Alone should he sit and rest alone.Alone should he the active walk.Alone should he himself subdue.Alone should he in forest delight.
(Buddhist, Dhammapada - Sayings of the Buddha 3 (tr. J. Richards

near death - Sat, 6 Nov 2004

So it must be the summer of 1980 ???? or 1981 - John Lennon was
shot the previous fall - so whenever that was....

My dad had died I think it was the same week or very close to it when
John Lennon was shot and - after a bit of circuitousness - I was
living in Chicago - in my Dad's apartmentment building ----
I was working at Ancilla Domini Health Services at the time
it was in Des Plaines - at the same office complex as the FCC -

I wish you could stop me if you heard this before - but anyway ----

So I was working there and taking the bus to work which was a
long ride - maybe between 1 and 2 hours - you had to do like
1 or 2 transfers - and the bus that dropped me off there went
on the freeway to get there ----

And I was spending time helping maintain the apartment building -
and I was paying rent and - going to the Baha'i temple in
Wilmette whenever I could and in fact near that time I was
even singing in the Baha'i choir at the temple ---- that may
have been after this particular event and it was summer -
for sure. I don't remember if the record player was working -
but I do remember the Grateful Deads - pretty sure first album -

and anyway - maybe it was a Saturday night - anyway - I was
going through the strange emotional stuff connected with
my father ------ and it was night and I remember being all
worked up - it was like a forgiveness and understanding -
my understanding and relating to my father - and
connecting with him - and ---------------------------------
I was laying down - and it was like a dream - and I
could see what appeared to me how the "after life"
is put together - and what was so striking was the
simple idea - there was no time - Lydia once told
me that there is no math in the after life and we
laugh about that from time to time - but what
I clearly saw was there was no time.....
So what that meant was that you could be
anywhere - or maybe everywhere - in no time.

So it was like I felt like I was given the choice -
I could stay or go ----- and I thought about it ----
and I felt this intense desire to experience more
time, because I felt that I really needed to have
more of that experience - and so somehow -
I experienced the feeling of "returning" to
was is like what I'm experiencing now -
the time thing -

I don't know -----

The battle of good and evil

Th battle of good and evil -
maybe you can exprapolate all this yourself,
about good and evil, good or evil, pain and
pleasure, eternity or never, hi and lo, zinc
and phosphorus, bing and bang,
kings and queens,april and may, big and small -
If you see everything - it's very difficult to
see anything -
and if you feel good, it's hard
to imagine feeling bad - and when you're happy
you don't feel sad and when your strong you
don't feel weak.
But all of these things are really like images
in your mind. Like truth. How do you know
the truth from a lie?
How do you know?
Do you just feel?
No I think everyone knows
something - but everyone also knows the whole
truth - Most of the time people can not hold
it in their reality ----
But - our relationship was something like that -and I can tell you how.
what was always so important was that - I
wanted that relationship to last - like always -
So the nature of the relationship was fluid but
in the give and take - I reached a point where
I thought what our relationship was, was either
gone or disappearing - at that point I went into
a serious panic mode - and I think you can
pinpoint that moment -
At that point I think maybe - and I began to think
that you thought - my strategic goal was to give
you a jump - And well - yes that might be a good
strategic goal for one to have - except - perhaps
unfortunately that was not geniunely mine.
And - indeed to add to the inanity of it - we have
to add in the additional weird context of your
mother - not to mention my weird context by
itself.
So what does that add up to?
Surrealism, mechanism, instant karma, breakfast
cereal,
brief de-brief,
molecular biology
-curvilinear space
- just plane space
- mechanical realism
- just plane plain.
There's pretty much a limit to how much I
can do this. And this is pretty much it.

But if you get a chance - and we can
talk about it - bring up near death.....

Dhammapada

Dhammapada - Sayings of the Buddha (Translated by S. Beck)
1. The Twin-VersesWhat we are is the result of what we have thought,is built by our thoughts, is made up of our thoughts.If one speaks or acts with an impure thought,suffering follows one,like the wheel of the cart follows the foot of the ox.
What we are is the result of what we have thought,is built by our thoughts, is made up of our thoughts.If one speaks or acts with a pure thought,happiness follows one,like a shadow that never leaves.
"They insulted me; they hurt me;they defeated me; they cheated me."In those who harbor such thoughts,hate will never cease.
"They insulted me; they hurt me;they defeated me; they cheated me."In those who do not harbor such thoughts,hate will cease.
For hate is never conquered by hate.Hate is conquered by love.This is an eternal law.Many do not realize that we must all come to an end here;but those who do realize this, end their quarrels at once.
(Buddhist, Dhammapada - Sayings of the Buddha 2 (tr. J. Richards))

And so - Mon, 18 Oct 2004

And so at the end of the day is there an end of the day?
Can I touch what can't be touched, and feel what can't
be felt and so much?

Caught now in the eye of the hurricane - I do not know.
Caught in a mesh of reality - that is only vaguely real,
I do not know.

I can know headlights, and side streets, and stop
signs and curbs. I can know distance, and absence,
and time moving forward to nothing. I do not wish to move
forward any more.

So the clock advances - and I advance into the
completeness of an oblivion I can not possibly
begin to comprehend. The I becomes shattered to
be so completely lost. It was me - alone that I had
and me alone that I have and breaking through,
this could be really - "the indian war winter of the soul".

my essence

My essence
captured on beams of light
by rotating, variable speed drills on hammer mode
was scattered through the galaxies.
-----------------------
Attracted to intricate facets of crystal
it became emeshed.
-----------------------
The cosmic jist destroyed the crystal,
leaving me
no thought, no feeling, no voice.



=================================================================

So - Sat, 2 Oct 2004

So I felt the stars shift aside, and the darkness rinkle,

and I felt the sands slipping away,

the wax from the candle, the time running out -

and away - and to be gone.

Sat, 25 Sep 2004

I Keep looking at all the dots -
if and ands
whys and whats -
As if some language could reveal
-all the parameters
- dimensions
- conversations
-reflections
-I could feel
-for you.
I wish....

RE: By the way... Why?Mon, 20 Sep 2004

I'm having a hard time putting the words together right now but
I think you know so much of the truth now that - anything that is
missing is just about connecting the dots...So many people
will never have what you have or know what you know. But they
all do get it eventually.

the line - from "Sow the Word" -

"God is love
if we live our love in light
we will reap the seed of the sower
and be bread for the world "

And what follows is why -

etc, etc, etc

Marc

Why do I love - you so much ....

This is hard and if eternity was longer - theremight be a simple answer. Simply it would be
I see you in everything. I see you in the rockand the water and everything. The trees and thenight. At dawn, and in the day. Awake and asleep.

I see you and I feel you and I do not think Ican be seperate from you. And why?

If eternity were longer, I could find that answer in the waves on this lake. In the leaves
of the trees, in the drops of the rain.

In the day and in the night. In the moment - the waiting - the past and the future. I see
you at every moment.

( and that is everything )

Information dispersion ------

Looking up!

In rainbows - Amanda - and then searching
to see what worlds are.
Rainbows Amanda -
Falling rain - light - and thunder
Looking at all the rainbows - you can see
as time disperses -
Can love disperse ( ???? )
Like an ocean ?????
And then play the "lucky" seven -
as they say.....
All of time might appear that way ....
And still there is love -----
Looking out...
As if I could see you.
In time.
or
not.
So lunklul....
and so light.

It got burnt - Tue, 7 Sep 2004 02:20:28

The following is burnt. - marc
====================================================

"There must be somewhere out of heresaid the Joker to the Thief -

There is just too much confusioncan't get no relief"

I'm wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking -
It's trying too hard - not enough?
I'm wondering and thinking and wondering and thinking -
feeling shaky - and trying to put the pieces into
the pieces - trying to imagine - where the boundaries
really are? Thinking I must be beyond a boundary or
too close to a boundary - or in the way of a boundary
being made?
And I think yes - it makes some sense -
but it's hard -
You think you can find some way - some time -
some form - some distance - some perspective -
You think you can see the image or imagine
the thoughts or the feelings or the what?
You have to ask what - what - becomes why
and why is never easy at all.
So I guess - what I come up with is
tenderness and resources. Distraction -
destruction - hope?
Sometimes the pain seems to ring you in.
Suprises you - sneaks up. Because - I'm looking
for puzzle pieces - and they're telling me, No.
I'm looking for the shape of the reflections.
Thinking there might be some heat in the tinders,
the burnt down coals ( like magic somehow?? )
I get back to it. Working it through - trying
hard - wondering if there is flesh on the bone
or bone on the flesh.
But I believe in a tone - I've been to the
bottom of the abyss before - or did I only
imagine a bottom.
And I think I know about the light - but
you know I really didn't know - and it's
so funny how a tiny angle can set you off
so far. A misapprehension.
So now I can see this - The fine line -
the truth - the wrecking ball.
But I believe this now - because I must -
that somehow - somewhere down the line -
I can see the joy - that so great a beauty
must finally bring - But the joy and the pain
are so firmly mixed. But the truth is there
and I must be certain of that. But it
is searing and it boils away the flesh -
So you can rest in a moment - maybe forgetting.
You cannot have this razor edge and not feel
some pain. And if you choose you can set that
aside, but it is never finally gone.
So I can apologize and wish it had never
happened - how absurd to think a thought like
that - but funny in a bent kind of way -
To imagine that - I could have gone left -
or could have gone right - or shot through
the heart.
No it always had to happen - and it always
had to happen just as this is spoken -
There were never any real choices - I can imagine.
The only choices were perhaps when or where - or
maybe for how long - but that doesn't mean all
that much.
But what of the future?????????
No I'm really not sure now - It's so hard for
me to feel and that's all that will give that
direction. It's so hard for me to know now -
But in the long and the tall and the short -
seeing everything from a thousand angles
a thousand views - seeing everything crushed
up and remelted and feeling the horror - and
wanting to stand away when you're being sucked
inside -
It can only be about tenderness - that's
brushed aside by the burning gails.
A smile, a laugh and it is gone.

I said....Tue, 24 Aug 2004 02:01:41

IiIIIiIIIIIiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

IIIiiiiiiIIIiiiiiIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIiiiiIIIIIIIIII

IIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIII

IIIIIiiiiiiIIIIIiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIi

IIIIIIIIiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

I would not say.

I said I said I said.

iiiiii9999iiiiiii0000iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyy

+++++ saaid +++++ ssssaaiddddd

800 + 40 said.

100 + 2 said.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

a journey never begins

((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))(((((((((((())))))))

???????????????

////////////////////////////////////////////////////

There are monsters everwhere

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Some monsters eat you of course!

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Some monsters say that it's okay
for you to do certain things - Even when
those things are very bad.

You see of course how that all plays in
together ------- because of the good/bad
implications.

And of course anyone could easily see
that the motions of the planets -
Maybe they can not protect you so much
however they do other stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And of course that is why precisely - that
the more time people progress in "larger"
groups the more they want
to do that ( watch the stars or planets )....

But of course - there are those who
argue that they are ?????? students ????????
and then they realize --- sooner or later ----
that the Monsters are real.

As a mathematian - I liked to observe that we
dealt with all that... I mean we worked out
all that stuff...

Of course it wasn't easy! And because -

it wasn't easy - mathemtians wanted to do

it. A sorry lot we are but - because

everyone worries --- SO SO SO --- much

that we could all behave alot better if

we gave that one a rest. The big problem with

mathematians is that they can assign a symbol

to anything.

Therefore - engineers - who we must ALL respect,
said we'll invent -

And this is the part I forgot.

yes - Mon, 23 Aug 2004 21:06:21

Yes - and maybe that is right -

Seeing and being seen

Somewhere - beneath some light

is there a moon ? -

Am I

But there is vision

and there is sight

My vision can not go there

But -

In another vision, or a dream

And is time?

RE: Transmission errors -------Mon, 23 Aug 2004 16:26:16

Amanda:

<<<<>>>>

re re Transmission - failed - X - plain fail

Thank you -

and I am grateful -

Marc Amanda J Hansen wrote:
Hi Marc,I have put the dream catcher to its proper use, it is hanging in the windowof my bedroom. I put it there last night. I did dream a great deal butnone of the dreams were disturbing or evil, so maybe it is happier now. Iwill take care to be respectful. The light would not stand out with such vividness if there were no darknessto contrast it; the whole truth encompasses each or we would have noperception at all. If one is to see the beauty, then one must see theopposite as well to fully appreciate the contrast. That is what makes thetruth an exquisitely beautiful and profoundly frightening thing.Like most of us, I just make it up as I go along, but we all hold pieces ofthe truth, every one of us.I love you too, my plutonic friend! We will always be tied together withstrings and spider webs that my mother began to spin and which we continueto. I consider you part of my family because of these ties, so although wewill not pursue other avenues of intimacy, the acceptance you feel here isreal. Do not waste your energies on trying to make us into something wewere never supposed to be, nobody ever wins that battle. Those energies arebetter spent in other ways, multitudinous in their number and variety, aninfinite field of possibilities to explore and to either understand or notunderstand. I have rambled on long enough and I must get back to work, but we will visitsoon.Amanda-----Original Message-----From: Marc Bellario [mailto:marc_bellario@yahoo.com] Sent: Monday, August 23, 2004 8:38 AMTo: amanda@cabinlife.comCc: kai_bellario@yahoo.comSubject: Transmission errors -------Mon Aug 23 08:11:29 CDT 2004Amanda:The original intent of transmission was the following ------" O seeker of Truth! If thou desirest that God may openthine eye, thou must supplicate unto God, pray toand commune with Him at midnight, saying:O Lord, I have turned my face unto Thy kingdom ofoneness and am immersed in the sea of Thy mercy. O Lord, enlighten my sight by beholding Thy lightsin this dark night, and make me happy by the wineof Thy love in this wonderous age. O Lord, make mehear Thy call, and open before my face the doorsof Thy heaven, so I may see the light of Thy gloryand become attracted to Thy beauty.Verily, Thou art the Giver, the Generous, theMerciful, the Forgiving. - 'Adul'l-Baha'" ......Transmission Error End ....They can be whatever they want to be.I love you,Marc - the Plutonian -( from Pluto )P.S. - It would really mean a lot to me if you use++++ WISDOM ++++as regards - paper bag contents in mail box

voice - Mon, 23 Aug 2004 08:47:03

A voice,
it said -
A thought -
instead -
as if and when
---
there is no voice
there is no when
---
but
hard packed
maybe
beneath
the ice
and the snow
was

Transmission errors ------- Mon, 23 Aug 2004 06:37:53

Mon Aug 23 08:11:29 CDT 2004
Amanda:
The original intent of transmission was the
following ------
"
O seeker of Truth! If thou desirest that God may open
thine eye, thou must supplicate unto God, pray to
and commune with Him at midnight, saying:
O Lord, I have turned my face unto Thy kingdom of
oneness and am immersed in the sea of Thy mercy.
O Lord, enlighten my sight by beholding Thy lights
in this dark night, and make me happy by the wine
of Thy love in this wonderous age. O Lord, make me
hear Thy call, and open before my face the doors
of Thy heaven, so I may see the light of Thy glory
and become attracted to Thy beauty.
Verily, Thou art the Giver, the Generous, the
Merciful, the Forgiving. - 'Adul'l-Baha'
"
......
Transmission Error End ....
They can be whatever they want to be.
I love you,
Marc - the Plutonian -
( from Pluto )
P.S. -
It would really mean a lot to me if you use
++++ WISDOM ++++
as regards - paper bag contents in
mail box

perfection - Sat, 21 Aug 2004 22:05:59 -

You remember, Gunjisk, said that -
a mortal mind could not see her, but
to feel her, her tears
she could chose
---I love you....

little things Tue, 17 Aug 2004 06:05:37

there are very big things
and some small things
sometimes questions
and sometimes answers -
and times that become memories
and there is believing-
the puppies are going away -

RE: existentialism-Fri, 13 Aug 2004 09:05:46 -0700

Yes, that is true. No one ever did understand existentialism, and the worst part
is I got it all twisted up with William Burroughs, the Nova Express, Naked Lunch
and all that stuff - But zinc filings are real. And that's how you usually find zinc -
is zinc filings, because you just don't find zinc that much but in a
chemistry lab - in a little bottle. And so, although I'm sure this does not really
happen you would expect some one would use a file to make them and that
would be a zinc file. However, I don't really use it that way. It's really more
in the sense of Nova Express - which probably never made sense - unless
you believe ( as some have... ) that Naked Lunch is the "new" bible -
whatever. But to make matters worse - Molly Nova is going on stage in 10 min.
and I really wish I could be there for that - but I'm not -

Also - but not really - along that same vien - I got a call yesterday that
my sister Jennifer had a baby boy - whose name is Micheal.
But, in the "big" picture - which could only be - "How the West was Won" -
I will probably always think or imagine that Nova Express really does mean
something whether or not Naked Lunch is really the bible.

Amanda J Hansen wrote:
I’m afraid I still don’t understand. But when I opened this email under the subject existentialism, at first nothing showed up, which I thought was really funny.

-----Original Message-----From: Marc Bellario [mailto:marc_bellario@yahoo.com] Sent: Monday, August 09, 2004 9:54 PMTo: Amanda HansenSubject: existentialism

I'm glad you remember this -

it's existentialism -

zinc filings - and zinc files -

it's french.

When ever you look up -

When ever you look up -

When ever you see the rain - coming down

I'm glad you'll remember this -

like a minute in a year -

a glass is upside down -

there is a sound near the window -

and you feel - something - a chill maybe ....

but now - I can feel the night -

I can

or think I can

=========================================

But - there is always that - But -

the memory of -

The feeling of -

the thought that maybe -

Wind in the grass -

and the stars at night -

A memory of -

Waiting and talking -

a dream of -

A drop in the bucket -

The thought of -

I was there once -

- once by the sea -

even at night -

and I wish that -

I went to the wish bucket - a thousand times -

- all my wishes were answered -

I could look up and feel the rain

- coming down -

- it was like that -

- the morning - was cold -

I feel it through the door -

I could feel that -

it is only a moment -

brief and then long.

The color of

the sound of

the feeling of

But -

You know I am afraid

You know what I am afraid of -

and you can tell me - that I have nothing

to be afraid of - I can be happy -

You can tell me I can feel the wind or

you can feel the wind for me -

You'll tell me that I can go home now -

and I should be happy -

and maybe you touch me then -

and I say " yes you're right - I have nothing to be afraid of "

and I think - to my self - how sorry I feel -

like there is so much I feel sorry about -

I wish I had been stronger and I wish I had been better -

all those other things

Now, I can go home - because there is no use waiting -

I turn around -

- I see you -

You smile a little -

You know I feel better -

I feel okay - I have nothing to be afraid of -

I have nothing to be sorry for -

I can store the image of your face in my mind.

I can go home.

But - and I think you know then -

the thousand moments - the thousand smiles -

this is the only one that is important -

and you know that -

I am still afraid..

existentialism

I'm glad you remember this -

it's existentialism -

zinc filings - and zinc files -

it's french.

zinc files

Zinc files are not everything - there are other things in life -

I've always thought that this is true - but I know there are many zinc file

lovers who would disagree with me on this - and I am ready to defend

my position - for example there are curbs and sidewalks in life ...

Curbs are very nice - because of their shape - and now adays there

are those thin curbs which make - it easy to go over when you are

riding a bike. Now of course - the great thing about sidewalks are

the cracks and I know there are many people both in this country and

other countries with cracks in their sidewalks that are very fond of them.

It's really a shame that sidewalk cracks do not get the kind of media that

they deserve. I think that people in the media really have some kinds

of built in prejudice that prevents them from covering sidewalks cracks

the way they should. It's really hard to understand.

There are other things as well - like watermelon rinds and orange peels.

Orange peels do have some support from the English - but how often do

people really care what the English think after all?

Maybe we should mention b-flat minor and e-sharp minor.

There are purple onions and purple cabbage.

Electricity can be fun as well - if used properly - like in light bulbs and

oscillating fans.

Personally I would like to see light bulbs that use water -

I think that would be swell.

But maybe it is true that zinc files are the only really important thing in life.

I remain totally confident that someday this will be sorted out - although

I do not expect this to happen in my life time.

If you have any insights on this please go to http://www.zincfiles.com

Any contributions to this issue will be gratefully appreciated.

And thank you for your support.